Dear Jadyn and Bethany,

This is the story of your birth. At this very moment, you are five months and one week old. You are both amazing babies – happy babies that smile often and laugh. You both roll over, though Jadyn enjoys doing that more than you Bethany. In fact, right now Bethany, you are sleeping on your back, and you Jadyn are asleep on your tummy after rolling there from your back. Jadyn, you have beautiful dark, dark eyes and very light brown or even blondish hair. Bethany, you still have blue eyes, though they have turned a bit green in the last few weeks. Your hair is quite dark. You really do not look similar at all, yet you are both very beautiful babies. The main similarity – perhaps the only one other than being about the same size – is those big chubby cheeks that I love to kiss.

Last September (2004), your grandma, Aunt Carol, Aunt Patti, and Uncle James came to surprise your daddy for his 40th birthday. While they were all out taking a walk, I stayed behind to supposedly feed the dogs, Ruby and Theda. I was really taking a pregnancy test, which was positive (obviously!). They returned around 5pm and we immediately started making plans to leave for dinner. I couldn’t get a minute alone with your daddy to tell him the news, so I had to keep my excitement hidden. We went to dinner at Hall’s on the River. I sat through that entire dinner knowing I was pregnant – I had to try very hard not to constantly smile. Finally, we arrived home and I asked your daddy to help me get Joshua to bed upstairs. Once Josh was asleep, I whispered to your daddy while we were standing in Josh’s room, “I’m pregnant”. I thought he was going to faint. We decided to tell everyone when we returned downstairs and everyone was very surprised and happy.

I had just started my first tenure-track job that fall. I managed to keep my pregnancy a secret until almost the end of the semester. I was extremely tired and felt very sick in the early evening hours. I was getting big pretty fast. I told my midwife several times that I thought I was having twins because I was getting so big. She assured me that my tummy was measuring normal size for one baby. Since I had gotten quite large with your brother, I decided she was probably right. I finally told everyone at work I was pregnant and people there were very excited for us. That Christmas break, we went to visit your grandma in Florida. I had my first ultrasound scheduled for the day after we returned to Lexington. On the plane coming home, I told your daddy that I thought we were having a gymnast because the baby was moving so much and felt like somersaults. I was 5 months pregnant and we still didn’t know we were having twins.

The day after we got home was the big day. We were going to find out if Josh was going to have a baby sister or a baby brother. Your daddy had said all along that it was a girl. He had a dream about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant where a little girl appeared to him that looked like Joshua – we now know that was you Bethany, our hidden baby!

For all five months, every time we went for a doctor visit, the nurse found a heartbeat on my lower left side. I also felt a lot of movement there starting around 15 or 16 weeks. We were about to find out that was you, Jadyn.

On the way to the ultrasound, your daddy asked me if I was excited. I told him I was worried because this pregnancy had been so different than the last one – much more tired, much more nausea, etc. I was 21 weeks pregnant at this point. We arrived and had to wait about 30 minutes before going back. Finally, it was our turn. I climbed up on the table and directed the ultrasound tech to you Jadyn – that’s where the baby had always been. She was showing us your head and face, arms, legs and so on. It went on for about 10 or 15 minutes. We were very excited to see you. Then the technician asked us if this was our first ultrasound with this pregnancy and we told her yes. Then she said, “See baby right here, see the head?” We replied yes. She said, “Now look over here.” She moved the transducer up and to the right side. “See this other head right here? You have two babies in there. You’re having twins.” Jadyn, you were Baby A since you were going to come out first, and Bethany, you were Baby B.

Well, girls, I can’t begin to tell you how shocked we were. I felt a great sense of relief too because I finally understood why this pregnancy had felt so different than when I carried your brother. Your father was amazingly calm – I, on the other hand, was pretty hysterical. I was crying and laughing at the same time. We just couldn’t believe we were having two babies. The tech somehow managed to make it through the rest of the ultrasound with me crying, then laughing, then crying, then laughing – you get the picture. In the end, she told us she was very certain we were having two girls but couldn’t tell if you were identical or fraternal because you were in different sacs.

We made it out to the waiting room and I was still crying. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I will never forget that day. We had a ton of ultrasound pictures and I just kept looking at them over and over. Your daddy called your grandma and told her the news and I called your nana and told her (she didn’t believe me at first). Then it was time to see the doctor, who informed us that you both looked wonderful.

We left and went to Wild Oats for lunch. We called quite a few people to tell them the news. Overall though, we were just stunned. We kept looking at each other in disbelief that after 5 months of talking about “the baby”, we were now talking about “the babies”. Joshua’s reaction was really interesting. At first he was very excited and then concerned. He said, “But if there are two babies, that means we’ll have to buy two rattles. Can’t they just share a rattle?” He was soon on board with the excitement and we assured him that you would share many things. We’re not sure why he was concerned about that, but it made him feel better. He really enjoyed telling people at school that he was going to have two baby sisters. To this day, he has never had a moment of jealousy. He loves you both so much. He hugs you and kisses you so gently. He puts your noonie in when you lose it and always washes it off if it falls in the floor. He tells you he loves you with the most caring and sincere voice.

I digress – back to your birth story. Well, it will have to wait until later or probably another day. Bethany, you are awake and sister is still blissfully asleep. Years from now when you wonder why I didn’t write more in your baby books, I hope you realize this is why! One awake, one asleep, Josh to play with, a pile of work I need to be doing, loads of laundry waiting, dinner to fix, and on and on the list of things go. I’ve decided that in the long run you would rather I spend more time playing with you, reading to you, talking to you, and holding you right now than putting you aside to write in your baby books!

And I was right – it’s been two weeks since I started this letter to you. Perhaps I will finish it this morning. It’s early. You woke up to nurse around 5:45 and I decided to stay up to work. I should be grading papers, but I must finish this.

Well, your daddy really enjoyed telling people we were having twins – he said he loved the look on peoples’ faces. Most people were very excited for us. More than once I referred to it as people acting like we had just won the lottery. I spent hours researching twins and twin births. I had a drug-free birth with your brother using the Bradley Method and it was a wonderful experience. He was 9 pounds 11 ounces, so I felt confident I could do the same with two babies that would probably not weigh a whole lot more than that combined!

My biggest concern was you, Bethany. You were breech. Sister was head down and ready to go, but not you. I started interviewing OBs that were experienced in (and willing to perform) a natural breech birth. I got lucky and found someone, Emily Cunningham, who had been trained in breech extraction during her residency in Houston. She was on-board with my desires for the birth, so we went with her. I was sad to leave my midwife, but I knew this was going to be a different experience altogether – no birthing room, but an operating room since twin births are considered high risk; not just a couple of people in the room, but a whole army (about 15) in case of complications, and so on.

I was having contractions from very early on – maybe around 6 months – but didn’t think much of them because I had had the same with Josh. The so-called Braxton-Hicks contractions. With Josh I also walked around dilated 3 centimeters for about 2 weeks before he decided he was ready at 40 weeks and 3 days. Of course, all experiences are different, though there were some eerie similarities I tell you about later.

At 33 weeks I went in for an exam and general check-up. We had our 4th ultrasound I think and were assured again that you were both girls. Your estimated weights were both over five pounds and that was very reassuring to me. When I saw Emily she told me I was 3 centimeters and was going on bed rest. I couldn’t believe it. I felt great. Any contractions I was having were so light I hardly felt them and there was no regularity to them. She hooked me up to a monitor to track the contractions and there they were. After finding out there were two of you, I knew that there was probably going to be much that would be out of my control with the pregnancy and birth and certainly beyond, and that I had to have faith in the people I had chosen to help us. I was checked into the hospital immediately – didn’t even get to go home to get anything. It was a very stressful event.

The contractions continued and strengthened. Perhaps it was the anxiety or perhaps it wasn’t. It had been a stressful week and I had suddenly gotten much bigger. We have pictures of me the day before – it was funny because it was a teaching day and I had your daddy take some pictures of me before I left the house because we both thought I suddenly looked much bigger. When I walked in to teach one of my classes, a student blurted out, “ You look so huge today!”. Of course I shot back that she could look forward to failing and everybody laughed. It was true – you must have grown quite a bit that week. Anyway, the point is that I am glad we erred on the side of caution. I probably could have gone on bed rest at home and been fine, but maybe not and you would have been born at 33 weeks and probably in the NICU for 2 weeks. Anyway, it was the worst week of my life. They immediately gave me a drug to help speed the development of your lungs in case you were born. The first drug they tried to stop my labor didn’t work, so I had to take the dreaded Mag Sulfate for 48 hours. It was truly awful. It felt like a combination of having the flu and going through menopause (hot, cold, so exhausted I couldn’t get out of bed…). The only good part of the week in the hospital was getting to hear your heartbeats so much. I was hooked up to fetal monitors almost the whole time (incredibly uncomfortable) and was able to hear everything. You both got the hiccups a lot. The mag sulfate worked. The contractions stopped and after a couple more days of observation, I went home to bed rest.

One class was moved on-line, a wonderful colleague took over teaching my undergraduate methods class, and your daddy who was already stretched so very thin took over teaching my graduate methods class. Your nana was a huge help. She came almost every day to help with Josh and everything else. I went stir crazy lying on the couch. I was allowed to get up to take a shower in the morning and come downstairs. I was only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and back upstairs one time at night to go to bed. I did that for 10 days.

Now, we are finally getting to the part where you were born. It was a long journey to get you here, and I couldn’t just jump in with this part – the story wouldn’t have been complete! It was a Saturday night and I was 35.5 weeks pregnant. I had been living for the 36 week mark because that is the point when labor is no longer stopped with twins and they usually do not have to go to intensive care.

Anyway, it was Saturday night and your nana was sleeping over so she would be here to help us on Sunday. We went to bed and everything was the same as it had been – no increased contractions (just the same as they had been for the past weeks – light and about 3 or 4 an hour). Then, at around 2:30am I woke up and my water had broken. I woke up your daddy and said, “My water just broke”. He said the same thing he did when it happened with your brother at almost the exact same time, “Are you sure?” I smiled to myself thinking back to that time when it was the middle of the night and my water broke with your brother. I knew you were going to be born this day and I thought of the date, Sunday, April 17th.

We got up and told your nana that my water had broken. We were so glad she was already here. I didn’t start having contractions right away, which was a good thing since I hadn’t packed a bag for the hospital yet. I knew from my experience with your brother that we wouldn’t rush right to the hospital, yet I also knew we would have to go much sooner than we did with him. We waited with Josh until the contractions were about 2.5 minutes apart; I was under orders to leave for the hospital with you two when we were at 5 minutes apart. I hadn’t packed a bag yet because I was so intent on keeping you inside for as long as possible. It’s hard to explain, but when I was on bed rest for those seventeen days I just kept telling myself you would stay inside until we got to 36 weeks. Packing a bag before that point would have felt like giving in somehow. I don’t know. Like I said, it’s hard to explain the psychological aspects of growing two babies and the stress of doing absolutely nothing on bed rest. Anyway, it took about five minutes to throw the things I would need in a bag.

We went downstairs to wait for the contractions to begin. Your nana and daddy were pretty wound up; Josh slept through the whole thing. After about 45 minutes, the contractions started and they came at pretty regular intervals quickly. We left for the hospital at around 4:15am. By the time we got there, checked in, and got into a bed it was around 5am – same as with your brother. The nurse checked and I was dilated 5 centimeters. At this point, the contractions were regular and strong, but not at all overwhelming. I used the Bradley Method to get through the contractions and it worked beautifully. Deep breathing and focusing on visualizing what was happening inside my body was very reassuring and relaxing.

Pretty soon after arriving, the pressure to take drugs started. The nurses began with the assumption that I wanted something for the “pain”, which I declined. Then the anesthesiologist came to the room. I explained to her that Emily and I had agreed on a dry dock epidural, so the catheter would be in place in case of an emergency but that I did not want any drugs. She was against doing this at first, so I asked if she would be willing to do a spinal if there was an emergency. She had reasons why this was not a good idea – I really don’t remember them, but do remember being quite annoyed. At one point I asked what she did if someone came in and needed an emergency C-section right that minute and she said a spinal. It was not clear to me why my situation would be different. After telling her that I birthed your 9 pound 11 ounce brother after three hours of pushing with no drugs, she relented and gave me the dry-dock. I think it was a comfort to your father to know that was there in case there was a problem. Bethany, you finally turned at 33 weeks and after you did that, I really felt the birth was going to go off with no problems. But, as I said before, we were careful to err on the side of caution because it is a very different stress on your body to grow two babies than one.

Anyway, the dry-dock was in and I was able to get back to the business of getting you two into the world! Back to the fun stuff – contractions! Once that was over and I was able to go back to my inward focus and breathing, the contractions really picked up in frequency and intensity. At around 6:40am, I told your daddy to get a nurse because I wanted to make sure Emily was on her way in. I knew it was going to be soon. The nurse came in and assured me she had called Emily. I told her it wasn’t going to be long. She checked and said I was at seven centimeters. I told her it was going to go fast and to please have Emily come on in. She didn’t really believe me – I think she said something like, oh, it could be another couple of hours. At that moment I had a massive contraction, which she saw on the monitor. I closed my eyes and went into Bradley mode – deep breathing, visualization, complete relaxation. After it passed, I opened my eyes and told her to please trust me and get Emily here because I was going to have these babies soon.

Your daddy was videotaping everything – there is great footage of the monitors and my contractions, me looking like I’m asleep but actually I’m having really intense contractions, and the clock. That’s why I’m positive about the time. At seven o’clock I began having the urge to push. I told your daddy to get the nurse NOW because I HAD to push. He ran out and they both ran back in. She couldn’t believe it. I looked at her and said, “I told you this was going to go fast!” She wanted to check to make sure I was at 10 centimeters. I assured her I was and needed to push. I told her that if I was supposed to be in the operating room to have these babies, she better start pushing the bed because you girls were coming. She still didn’t believe me! She checked and ran out of the room. Seconds later a team of people arrived in the room and started urging me to breathe through the contractions. I told them to get a doctor and get me where I needed to be because these weren’t the kind of contractions you breathe through.

Thinking back on the whole experience now, I remember how frustrated I felt that people did not take me seriously when I told them things – that I would birth you girls drug-free unless I had to be cut open, that it was going to go fast, that I did have to push. I had to be very assertive and I hope that one thing you will both learn from reading about your birth is that if something is important to you, you will often have to fight for it.

A nurse gave your daddy scrubs to put on, which he did as he was following the bed down the hallway. It was pretty funny – he had the little hat on and shoe covers. We got to the operating room (standard procedure in most hospitals for twin births) and I remember my first impression was that it was incredibly bright. I had the lights dim in the birthing room while I was working through the contractions and the contrast of the bright lights was quite shocking. It was quite a show in there – about 15 people there for your arrival. An OB who was on-call had accompanied me down the hallway, but by the time we got in the operating room, Emily had arrived. I was so relieved. I had been breathing through the contractions as best I could, though there was a natural bearing down or pushing that was impossible to suppress. Finally, I was able to push like I wanted to. It felt like an eternity since the first urge, but it had only been about seven or eight minutes!

So, the real pushing began around ten after seven – the same as with your brother. That’s where the similarities end though – no three hours to get you two out! Jadyn, you were first. I pushed several times and had most of your head out. The trick was to not push too early when the contraction started. A few deep breaths at the on-set and then a concentrated push at the height of the contraction. Did it hurt? Yes and no. Some women in the Bradley books say their births did not hurt. With both of you, there were moments when it did really hurt, but overall I would say it was more a feeling of pressure and stretching than pain. At 7:23am, you came into the world Jadyn with your eyes wide open and looking around at everyone. You weighed 5 pounds and 3 ounces. Emily put you up on my tummy briefly and then you were whisked away to a table in the room to be checked. I could hear you screaming and that was very reassuring. Your daddy has great video of you being born and right after, and he was right there with you for your first moments in this world.

Bethany, now it was your turn. Here’s where things were so very different than my experience birthing your brother. Well, Jadyn came very fast and that was certainly different than three hours of pushing, but it was still very similar – contractions, breathing, pushing, etc. Now Jadyn was out and it was time for Bethany to make her arrival. I guess in my mind I just always pictured Bethany coming out right after Jadyn – as if Jadyn would arrive and Bethany would be right behind her. It didn’t happen that way at all.

After Jadyn was born, my contractions stopped. An ultrasound tech was there (one of the 15 or so people hanging around) and she started an ultrasound to get a look at you. Your sac of water was still intact and Emily suggested breaking it to speed things up. I was on board with that because you had already been squeezed by Jadyn’s contractions. I felt like it was the right thing to do because in some cases, Baby Bs are stressed by the births of Baby As. You had done beautifully while sister was being born – great heart rates and so on – but I felt like you were probably ready to come out and have some room to move around!

Emily broke my water and I guess I was expecting the contractions to start right away, but they didn’t. It was funny because everyone was just standing around waiting except the two nurses working with your sister. I joked that I was having performance anxiety waiting for the contractions to begin again.

It was a truly amazing experience. I could feel you moving into position to be born. At the same time, I could see you moving by looking at my tummy – a foot here, a knee there, or maybe an elbow. The ultrasound tech was following you too and I would tell her where to put the transducer as you moved. At one point, she said “I lost the heartbeat”. I noticed she had the transducer at the wrong place – she was on the right side still and you had moved over to the left. I took her hand and put it where you were and we all heard your strong heartbeat. Your daddy came over to check on us and to tell us your sister was doing great. We were all making small talk waiting for you to get ready to arrive. Emily was having a baby shower that afternoon for a friend at her house and expecting seventy-five people. It’s funny the things I remember from that day. Finally, I announced the contractions were starting. I think at this point or maybe a few minutes before, I told Emily how happy I was to not be drugged so I was able to enjoy feeling you moving inside of me and to know what was happening.

The top of your head came out pretty quickly and a few pushes later you were all the way out. You were born at 7:44am and weighed 5 pounds and 12 ounces. We have your entire birth on video if you ever want to see it. Daddy has part of Jadyn’s too. After Emily cut your cord, they whisked you away for suction and to check you out. You were screaming before long and it was a beautiful sound to my ears. Your daddy and the nurses immediately said that you and sister were not identical. They saw a lot of ways that you looked different right from the beginning. Your daddy and a nurse brought you over to me and I got to hold both of you for a minute before you were taken to be checked out more thoroughly. I didn’t want to let you go, but everything is different with a twin birth and you were a little early. Your daddy went with you though, so you weren’t alone.

After a quick four stitches, I was off to my room to wait for you girls. Daddy called your nana and grandma to spread the good news of your arrival. Nana told Josh when he woke up that today was the day his baby sisters were arriving. He was so excited and anxious to see you both.

You were both so beautiful. Big chubby cheeks that have kept getting bigger. Our first week together was a challenge. You both had jaundice and we stayed in the hospital for a week. I stayed with you day and night. The only time you were away from me was when they took you to the nursery for the doctor to check you. You were so in tune with each other. You were in the same bassinet and you would turn toward each other. You continued doing this for months while you slept in the same crib. I would put Jadyn down with her head in one direction and Bethany’s in the other. Jadyn’s arms would be one way and Bethany’s a different way. I would come in to check on you after 15 or 20 minutes and you would both be in the same exact position – heads turned the same direction with one arm up and one down, for example. Not some typical position that all babies sleep in, but something unusual and you would both be in the same exact position. You share a very deep and special bond.

Well girls, you are now 8.5 months old. I wrote the last three or four pages of this letter to you tonight. It’s been a very hectic 8.5 months! You are both amazing little babies. I still love nursing you and feel so proud that I have been able to exclusively nurse you. I feel very fortunate that I was able to work mostly at home this past semester and that really helped with the breastfeeding. You are both great eaters – fruit is your favorite or maybe yogurt. You both love carrots too. Bethany, you are really good at putting Cheerios in your mouth and love eating them. Jadyn, you would rather inhale a spoonful of anything than have to take time to chew something! Neither of you are crawlers yet. Jadyn will roll around everywhere though. Bethany, you are more content to stay put and play with whatever is within reach. You love your exersaucers and your favorite new “trick” is to bounce up and down when I say “bouncy-bouncy”. Jadyn, you say da-da and Bethany, you say maaam but only when you are upset. Lately, Jadyn, you have been saying da-da when you see Daddy. For some time, everybody and everything was da-da. My most precious memory of you both as tiny infants is how you loved to lie on top of my tummy with your head on my chest. We took many naps together this way and it always helped soothe you when you were upset.

Thinking ahead to the future, I am wondering how old you are at this moment when you’re reading this letter and what you are thinking. I want you both to know that your daddy and I love you very much, as does your brother. We will always love you and be here to support you and help you in whatever way you need.

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