September 27, 2003
Today marks the day my son was actually due to arrive. He was born 5 days early by cesarean, on Monday the 22nd of September at 3:54 pm. Cavin Alexander, the most gorgeous boy you've ever seen--at least I think so, even though I may be slightly partial. His eyes could barely open but they seemed a deep, deep blue. I'll find out if they end up changing colors in a couple weeks when he can open his eyes all the way. He had a lot of hair for such a young baby, the color of a shimmering golden brown. I actually gave him his first hair cut today, at 5 days old mind you. I cut two locks off the back, just in case it changes color or he loses his baby hair. I just wanted to remember. They’ll go into his 1st year baby memory book. Cavin was 20" long and weighed 7 lbs. 7.6 oz at birth. He dropped to about 6 lbs. 13 oz by the time we left the hospital (my milk hadn't come in yet and he hadn't been given any bottles so they said that was normal). I now had the challenge of getting him to latch on and start nursing from me; this, I knew, was not an easy thing to master right away, so I wanted to start as soon as I could. I spent those next couple nights in the hospital with my son curled up on my chest, his skin against mine, keeping him warm and enjoying those first bonding moments I so longed for these last 9 months. He was perfect; never made a peep; nursed every two hours like a pro. I never did send him to the nursery either, it made me feel better when he was close and it made me forget my own pain. I'm glad the nurses never said anything to me about having him naked on my chest. I guess I produced enough body heat to keep him warm, so when they checked his vitals, his temperature was right where it was supposed to be. He scored an 8 on his one-minute APGAR and a 9 on his 5 minute APGAR; "A very healthy baby boy" the doctors said. It made me feel good when I heard that; just knowing I nourished him the very best I could these last 9 months while he was growing inside me. All that wait, all that anxiety not knowing how he'd turn out, wondering if there'd be anything wrong when he was born--it all vanished the moment I saw him. Here is the rest of my story:
It was the first time it had rained in about a month when we left for the hospital. I love the rain so I didn't mind at all. We were scheduled to be there by 8:00am and would have been ready to have surgery by 10:00am had I not drank a cup of coffee and had some water that morning. I didn't realize that liquids were part of the "no food for at least 12 hours before any major surgery" rule. They say when going through normal labor that you will have at least one false alarm and end up at the hospital prematurely. Well, it looks like I ended up doing the same thing, even though I was only having a C-section. The doctors had to send me home. If they went ahead with the surgery as planned they would have been taking too much of a risk of me vomiting after given my spinal. They told me that I could either be back by 1pm that afternoon and have the baby after 3pm, or schedule for the following day. In my mind I knew I was ready to have my baby. I just couldn’t wait any longer, so I chose to come back later that afternoon. The suspense was killing me and my anxiety was building. A few of us ended up renting a movie to keep my mind off the wait. It worked pretty well and the time passed by quickly.
It was finally 1 pm and we were back at the UK hospital. I had seen the anesthesiologist already and had requested to speak with the doctor who was going to be delivering my baby to ask a few last questions. Her name was Dr. Kim Fraiser; she made me feel safe and confident that I was in good hands. My only special request was that my mother be able to take a digital picture as soon as the baby came out and that they be able to lower the curtain so I could see him right away. She agreed without hesitation. I'm so thankful for this, because I know being able to see him right away like that was what mentally got me through the rest of my surgery (that picture of him in my mind) and what really made me feel more connected to my birth experience. I wanted a natural childbirth so bad for the very reason that I wanted to go through the experience with my child and be able to have him on my chest as soon as he was born. I knew this wasn't possible with a C-section, but this was the closest thing I could think of.
I heard Cavin crying in the next room after he was delivered and I couldn't help but start crying myself, especially after my mom was able to bring him back out to me swaddled in his tight blankets--so peaceful; so beautiful; so perfect. The feelings were overwhelming, but I tried my best to stay focused and relaxed. It was a matter of getting through each stage; deep slow breaths. I kept my mind focused on the fact that Cavin would soon be in my arms--it was all going to be okay. So many of my friends and family's prayers were sent out that day I just knew I was going to get through this and be all right.
It was over--finally! Even though I wished I could have held Cavin right away, I knew I wouldn't have been able to. I was shaking pretty bad [from the anesthesia]. Tears started rolling down my face in thankfulness and realization that I was now a mother; I was going to be holding my son for the very first time. Just the thought of it made me shake even more. I was nervous yet overjoyed that it was finally over and Cavin was finally here.
When I got to the room I wasn't exactly feeling up-to-par, but I was thankful to see my friends were there: so many of them had really gone out of their way to encourage and help me through this difficult time. There were bouquets of flowers everywhere. By the time the nurses had brought Cavin out to me, even more friends had arrived; he really did have quite the audience for his first day in this world. I felt blessed and happy to know that Cavin had so many admirers and was loved by so many people. Not every child is blessed with that, this I know.
Our homecoming was on Thursday. Mom had left early to get things ready at the house and I stayed for my last examinations at the hospital. Anticipating our departure, I was finally up and moving around--although rather slowly. I had "lost it" so to speak; my first time standing up after my IV and catheter had been taken out, so I was definitely being a lot more cautious not to get too worked up, too excited or too over ambitious--you know me. Ha!
We arrived at the house around 4:00pm. Rodney ran in first and got on the camcorder so he could film us coming in. Mom had blown up some balloons and lit all the candles in the house. I have to say, it was absolutely beautiful. If Cavin could have seen a little better, he would have loved it. I'm sure I'll be showing him the video one day when he's old enough. Home sweet home--there's nothing like it.
Since we've been back, we've had guests every day. We've been passing out the "IT'S A BOY" bubble-gum cigars as well as teaching some friends that have offered to baby-sit how to change a diaper, just in case. Ha! In the beginning it was a two-man job for mom and me, but it's definitely getting better. On Friday the 26th after leaving the gym, Michelle and Vanessa stopped over and surprised Cavin with a few preemie outfits to wear. Most of the ones I have are too big for him right now, but I know all that will change pretty quickly, as he's a good eater. He's actually almost back up to his birth weight already. In fact, Cavin went for his first doctor's visit today, the 29th at 8:15 this morning (as you can see it's the 3rd day I've been working on this story--in between his feedings and my naps, ha!). His weight was 7 lbs. 5 oz. They said his color was perfect and his umbilical cord was healing fine.
I call Cavin "my little man," because he just seems so eager to grow up. He stretches his head back when I hold him--taking in his new world in wonderment. He has these beautiful, full lips that pucker up (especially when he's done eating); a dimple on his left cheek; squinted eyes and a distinguished look. He has so many facial expressions already, it's amazing. I could go on and on, for hours and days I'm sure; positive this won't be the last time I write about him. I did want everyone to know though how happy I am that Cavin Alexander is now a part of my life. He has changed my world and my outlook on everything around me in more ways than you could ever possibly know.
Love always,
Your new mommy.
