At about 2:00, I had to take John to work downtown. John said that I couldn't go into labor until he finished that show. After that, he'd be able to take off work much more easily.

I went to my parents' house and hung out with Mom in the apartment until she had to leave to go back to Birmingham. I was pacing back and forth in the apartment because my stomach was cramping and it felt uncomfortable. I kept holding the waist line of my shorts and underwear away from my belly. I mentioned to Mom that it felt like a belt tightening low. Butch and Kathy came by and I showed them the house (under renovation) while Mom packed. Kathy mentioned that I looked great ant that she couldn't believe I was due in only 3 weeks. We all left mom's at the same time. I got a little teary eyed as I left Mom. In only 5 days, school would be over and she would be coming back to Lexington for good!

I drove to Joseph-Beth Booksellers to look for a book on how to make hemp necklaces. I wanted to make a necklace for all the beads and charms I got at my Blessing Way Ceremony. They didn't have the book.

I then went to my office to give Dad a massage. Mom gave him a gift certificate for their anniversary. I massaged Dad from 6:35 - 7:35 PM. (I had to leave in the middle of the massage to go have a Bowel Movement. I had never had to do that before.)

After the massage (about 8:00PM), we picked up John at work and went to Celito Lindo Mexican Restaurant. I had to sit of the very edge of my chair because my belly felt so tight and full...ugh!

John rushed me home for the season finale of Desperate Housewives at 9:00PM. It was a great show. My friend Brooke called to set up our plans to meet on Monday. She was in Owensboro visiting her parents and was coming up to Lexington to see her brother and me. After Desperate Housewives, John put on the Season Four finale of The Soprano's. I started noticing my Braxton-Hicks (which I had had since 22 weeks) kept coming pretty regularly. At 11:00PM, I started timing them. They were every three minutes and about 45 seconds long. I started to think, "This might be it." At about 12:00, I went to pee and had bright red bloody show, like a period. This is it!! I lay down on the couch and started bossing John around. I wanted him to empty the kiddie pool that was set up on the back deck. We need to get the cold water out of it so we could put hot water in. I called Anne Rust, my doula, and told her that I was going to have a baby! I called Linda at around 12:20AM just to let her know that this was it, but that I didn't think she needed to come yet. I could talk through the contractions, but my teeth were chattering like I was cold.

I tried to listen to my HypnoBirthing tape while lying on the couch. John said, "Shouldn't you be trying to sleep?" I assured him that I couldn't sleep through these. He thought I was jumping the gun and wigging out too soon. (He knew that as a doula I frequently headed out to births only to return in a few hours from a false alarm.) I couldn't quite convey to him that this was definitely it!

When Anne got to my house at about 1AM, I was in the bathroom laboring on the birth ball. I threw up. Anne decided to call Linda and have her go ahead and come.

I decided I wanted to do my belly cast. John went and got it out of the trunk of my car. I originally wanted to have John and me have our hands on my belly for the cast. But, after breathing through a few contractions, I changed my mind. I just wanted to be done with the belly cast...NOW.

Right as we finished, Linda showed up. I waved at her before hopping in the shower with John. The warm water felt great. So did John's kisses! A couple of days earlier, I had installed a removable showerhead. It was great! I put it right on my belly. But, I wanted to save the hot water for filling up the pool, so we got out. But, I still wanted heat on my belly. I had John use the blow dryer on my belly while I sat on the birth ball. It felt great! I decided to call my friends Katie and Brooke to let them know that I was in labor and that they could come if they wanted to. (That was around 3:30AM.)

Not long after Linda came, she checked me and I was about 6 cm. I didn't have her tell me how many centimeters I was because I didn't want to be discouraged if I wasn't very far along. Her checking me didn't hurt like it did during my prenatal. That pleasantly surprised me!

I labored in the nursery for a few contractions. Aaron (Anne's husband) came around 4:00AM and started working on heating up the pool. I got in the pool and did a few contractions. It felt great!! I got out and walked laps around the house and sat backwards on the toilet. I would sit on the birth ball and lean on John while he sat on the guest bed. I was breathing and doing low moaning as I went. I was also bleeding any time I stood up. I remember my arms tingling. Sometimes my cheeks, mouth and neck would tingle too. (Anne later told me that this was hyperventilation. I was doing a good job of taking deep breaths, but I wasn't exhaling completely.) This, coupled with the bleeding, kind of worried me, but I didn't say anything. Linda checked my blood pressure and fetal heart tones and everything was perfect. That comforted me.

Katie and Brooke arrived around 5:30AM? I think.

Linda checked me at 5:00AM and I was complete. She told me this time. However, I had no urge to push because the baby's head was still at about 0 station. This went on for hours. I lay on the bed on my side leaning back against John and with my knee up on a high stool. This kept my pelvis open (it felt like it, anyway.) I said, "This is the most comfortable position I have ever been in!" At least it was for that contraction. John and I would doze off between contractions because they spaced way out. I remember Linda and Anne at my feet and thinking that they must be exhausted.

This was the hardest time for me because I started to wonder why my baby's head wasn't coming down even though I was complete. Was it my anterior coccyx? Was something wrong? How many hours could I keep doing this? I remember saying out loud; "I don't want a C-Section." Everyone assured me that I was doing a wonderful job and that I didn't need a C-Section. I logically deduced to myself that before they would have to take me to the hospital, Linda would give me oxygen. So, as long as Linda wasn't offering me oxygen, I felt that she was confident that I was OK. So, I believed I was OK.

At one point, I told my birth team that I needed to have a meltdown. They told me to go ahead and have one. After that contraction, I forgot to have my meltdown. I think just saying it and having my feelings validated was enough.

This was my transition... trying to go from complete to feeling the urge to push. Linda said that I had a bulging bag of water and that she could break it for me. I decided not to. Finally, after hours of working really hard, Anne suggested that I go ahead and have my water broken. I agreed.

Linda checked me again to make sure there was no cervix. She had me push and broke my water with the amniohook. Warm water came pouring out of me. It felt so good. Finally, I had pressure and could start to push in earnest.

That's when I had my "happy meltdown." I teared up and told everyone how happy I was that they were all there; how much I loved labor; how sweet my baby was; how great pushing was and how this was the best day of my life. I was so happy!!! (And high on endorphins!)

I pushed for awhile on the bed. Linda wanted me to deliver of the bed so she could watch my blood loss. Then Anne suggested that I squat to help bring the baby down. I did 2 or 3 squats with John supporting me. Then I'd sit on the edge of the bed in between contractions. When the head came down a little bit, I wanted to get in the water, regardless of my blood loss. It was my dream to have that baby in the pool outside and gosh darn it, I was going to. (Did I mention I'm an Aries?) I climbed in the pool and sat in reclined butterfly.

I pushed during contractions and rested in between. My contractions spaced way out. I was holding myself up with my arms so that my butt didn't touch the bottom of the pool. My shoulders and arms were tired. Anne rolled up her pants and got in. I could lean back against her and rest. What a doula!

I pushed and pushed---it felt like a relief to push. I pushed about 3 times per contraction. I finally could reach down and feel my baby's head coming down. Her scalp was all wrinkly. Linda said she had long dark hair. Linda did perineal massage which really helped and gave me a huge urge to push. After a few more contractions, I felt huge rectal pressure and I knew my baby was about to be born. Finally, with a huge push, the baby's head came out. It came out so fast! I think the head went from just about crowning to completely born in less than a second. The water was very bloody so I couldn't see the head. John reached down and caught the baby as I pushed her shoulders out. The baby was underwater for a few seconds and I reached down and pulled her out with my hands under her arms.

I just stared and stared at her. She was covered in vernix and had dark hair! We locked eyes immediately. I held her in my arms and talked to her, telling her what a great job she did coming out! I kissed John and told him I loved him. He was crying. I didn't hear anything anyone said. I just saw my baby. I looked down and realized that we had a girl!

I got up out of the water and went to the guest bed to deliver the placenta. I didn't even know what was going on down there; I was just looking at my Violet. Linda delivered the placenta and said that it was funky. (Apparently it had an extra lobe, which explained my excess bleeding.) I was still concentrating on Violet. Then Linda was telling me about my tears. (I tore my inner labia because the head popped out so fast.) I hardly heard. I just remember that she didn't stitch me because my perineum was holding together well.

Finally, Anne said something about letting John hold her skin to skin. I almost forgot! I couldn't stop staring at my baby!

What a wonderful experience!!!! The best of my life!!!!!

(Violet was born on Monday, May 23rd at 9:42 AM)

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