What follows is the story of our second birth, baby Grace Eleanor was born on Monday, June 28, 2004. Not only was she timely - she was born exactly on her due date - but she was also determined - once I went into HARD labor she emerged a short 45 minutes later, leaving us no time to get downstairs from our room, let alone to the hospital!! So, although our home birth was not "planned", we think that it was "meant to be", because our midwife Katie and doula Anne just happened to be at our house when all this happened. Here's a long version of our short story:
I'd been having strong contractions for long periods of time (in other words, regularly for a day or more at a time) on and off for about two weeks prior to Grace's birth. Each time we thought "this is it", but then everything would stop. We were really patient with each false alarm, in part because of what we learned after our last birth. Our first child, Gabriel, was born in December 2001. I really wanted to have a natural childbirth with him, and spent a good part of my first pregnancy reading everything I could get my hands on about how to have a natural childbirth (I was finishing up my PhD at the time, and joked to friends and family that I could have written a second dissertation about natural childbirth after all the research I did!). But things did not turn out the way we had hoped they would, in part because we went to the hospital too early after my contractions started. So, we vowed to be extremely patient and cautious this time, only leaving for the hospital at the last possible moment.
So, when Monday June 28th rolled around, I woke up, again having regular strong contractions. Figuring that this would be yet another false alarm, I decided to go about my day rather than stay home and wait. First I went swimming at the YMCA. The contractions were so strong while I swam that I had to stop and hold onto a kickboard until they subsided; yet I kept thinking to myself "heck, this isn't THAT bad", and so I tried to ignore them. They eventually became so strong that I decided to leave before finishing my workout, just in case this WAS it, I didn't want the teenaged lifeguard to be in a position of delivering my baby! Also, I had to drive myself home. On the way home I decided to stop at the Good Foods co-op, which was on the way, for groceries and while I was there the contractions continued -- I had to brace myself against the counter to keep standing while I waited for my sandwich. 10 minutes after I got home from the co-op, my water broke just as I sat down on the floor to eat lunch. This let me know that yes, this WAS it! I felt excited and scared, especially after remembering my last birth, which was less than wonderful. It was 2:30pm and my husband, Bryan, was at work. We are both professors at Transy and since it was summer it should have been easy for me to find him and get him home, but this turned out to be one of the most challenging parts of the birth! His office phone was busy, so after a few attempts I decided to call Anne, our doula, just to let her know that we would be needing her to come over soon because labor had surely started. I should say, though, that despite the fact that my water broke, I didn't think the birth was imminent - Gabriel was born over 19 hours after my water broke with him, after all. I was so sure that this would be a long labor that I almost neglected to call Anne - and considered telling her to bring a book in case she got bored (this is all very funny, in retrospect). When I did call her, I told her that I'd let her know "later", when I "really" needed her! Then I called Katie. She knew that our big fear was arriving at the hospital too early, like we did last time. We wanted to stay at home as long as possible. She generously offered to stop by our house after she saw her last patient of the day - in about an hour or so - to check my cervix so that we would have an idea as to how far along I was. This gave me a tremendous amount of relief. Meanwhile, I keep trying to contact Bryan, who was still on the phone. After trying to call other faculty members whose offices are near his, with no luck, I finally resorted to calling our Dean's office, and asked if they could send someone to Bryan's office to let him know. Soon, a panicky student knocked at Bryan's door, out of breath, announcing: "Professor, your wife is having a baby!" This happened quickly, and Bryan arrived home at about 3:30 or so.
When he arrived I was still having strong contractions, but still didn't think that they were THAT bad, especially compared to the contractions that I had with Pitocin during Gabriel's birth. Basically, I was in the last stage of labor and didn't know it. Bryan and I went upstairs to our room so that I could lie down on the bed, and we waited for Katie to arrive. She came at about 4:15, checked Grace's heartbeat, which was strong, and checked my cervix, which was a disappointing 4 cm. Figuring that we were in for a long haul, Katie sat on our floor and we told each other stories for a while. I felt relaxed and safe with her there, and have to admit that throughout both of my pregnancies and births I trusted my midwife and doula more than I trusted my own body. But now, after Grace's birth, I trust my own body equally! Anyhow, about 20 minutes after Katie's arrival my contractions really changed -- I had about 4 contractions that literally took my breath away, and I coped with them by using the breathing techniques that I'd learnt from my prenatal yoga classes with Anne. At this time I started to doubt my ability to birth without the assistance of pain medication, keeping in mind that I was only 4cm (or so I thought!). I rolled myself over so that I was on my hands and knees and really entered an altered state of consciousness -- my mind stopped thinking about the practicalities of the birth (how to get to the hospital, etc), and my body just started to have a baby. After a few of these contractions, Katie's facial expression changed and I knew that she knew something was happening. She checked me again and I was complete! We were all shocked. I vaguely remember hearing Katie say, "You're 10cm. Now I need to know: do you want to try to get to a hospital, or do you want to have this baby here?" I was in so much pain and in such an altered state that I couldn't articulate an answer, but I did know that I couldn't make it down our stairs and that actually, I didn't really want to try to get to the hospital. So I rolled on my side and started to cope with the contractions and prepared to have the baby. Katie told Bryan to go get a shower curtain so that we could save our bed - he ran downstairs, tore the shower curtain off and came back. Anne also arrived at this time, thankfully, and started helping us. Because Katie had nothing with her at the time except a pair of gloves, Anne scrounged around our house for anything else that could be useful, and Katie quickly called her daughters and asked them to come over with her birthing bag. Everybody was surprisingly calm, especially Bryan, who laid down on the bed facing me, providing me with the physical and emotional support that I really needed. I held on to him and Anne rubbed my back, relieving some of the pressure and pain, while I gave birth. We all worked together, following Katie's calm directions -- I felt 100% in control and at ease with Katie and Anne there, and trusted everyone completely. I pushed Grace out in 15 minutes, with absolutely no problems at all - it was incredible. I was especially surprised at how much easier and less painful it was compared to the last birth (which included Pitocin, an epidural, and forceps). My recovery was also much faster this time. Once Katie's daughters arrived with the birth bag, Katie was able to cut the cord, check my vitals, give Grace her first physical, etc. so that we didn't have to go the hospital at all. Soon Grace, Bryan and I were all snuggled in our own bed, with very little recovery to do, and feeling surprised and happy. If I had written a narrative of what I wanted my "ideal birth" to be, this would have been it, and I feel extremely lucky.
I'm also happy, oddly, that I have had both birth experiences. The hospital experience made me realize how difficult it is to advocate for oneself within the medicalized constraints of a hospital setting. Despite all of my research and knowledge and efforts -- and the efforts of Katie -- I ultimately felt totally disempowered and scared in the hospital. I learnt a lot from that experience, and it has helped me to realize not just the power of established medicine, but it has helped me to be less judgmental of other women, their birth experiences, and their decisions. And, as I think this story tells, I learnt a tremendous amount from our home birth, especially about the power and knowledge of my own body, which I have not trusted or respected for most of my life. I am awed by what my body is capable of, now that I have seen it happen. I also learnt a lot about the healing power of natural childbirth, and the ability of that experience to form bonds between partners and between other women (notably between my midwife and doula).
The homebirth was also nice for our son Gabriel who was 2 at the time, and who had never spent a night away from both parents. He stayed at a friend's house during the birth, and was home later that night to meet his baby sister. And, our dog Lucky, who also attended the birth, also didn't have to spend time away from his family!
