It all started on March 9th (my due date was the following day). I had an appointment with my midwife that morning. When I got there and gave a urine sample, the nurse told me that I had lost my mucus plug. She thought that there was definitely something going on, so she hooked me up to a fetal monitor (in the office) while I waited to be seen. It turns out that I was having regular contractions, but they weren't very strong because I couldn't feel them. Katie was at a birth that morning, so I saw the nurse practitioner. She was so nice! She told me to go on about my day, walk a lot, and have sex with my husband later on. I burst out laughing on that one!!!! I was SO huge and NOT feeling very sexy at that point. She told me that there is a chemical in semen that helps dilate the cervix, and that it might just get the ball rolling. Well...

I went on about my day and "followed doctor's orders." That night around 10:30 p.m. (about a half an hour after going to sleep) I woke up with a contraction that felt a lot more intense than a Braxton Hicks. "This is it." I thought to myself. At that point I was hopeful, nervous, excited, and a bit scared. Matt was sound asleep. Anne had told me that if you change what you are doing, and the contractions go away, then it isn't the "real deal." I decided to walk around the house a bit to see if the contractions went away. They didn't.

Matt had told me that if I went into labor and he was asleep, that I should wake him up right away so that he could help me stay calm and focused. Yeah right! I tiptoed to the bed, told him I was in labor, and he just rolled over and kept sleeping. I decided to take a bath. I was in the bath for about 5-10 min. and the contractions were still coming. I started to panic a little bit. "What am I going to do?" I thought. Just then, Matt's phone rang. There was a mare foaling. (My husband is a farm manager, and when a mare foals at any time day or night, he has to get up and go to the barn.) Hooray! I knew then that he would have to get up.

It turns out that he didn't even know I was out of bed. He turned to tell me that he had to go to the barn, and then he said "Where are you?" instead. I replied; "I'm in the bathtub and I'm pretty sure I'm in labor." At that point, he asked me what I wanted to do. I really wanted to keep my mind off things as much as possible, so I told him that I would go to the barn with him.

By the time the mare finished foaling, I was ready to drop down on my hands and knees with every contraction. I knew for sure that I was in labor, so the minute we got home, I called Anne. She told me that she should be at our house in about an hour. Matt and I waited it out.

By the time Anne got there (around 1 a.m.) I needed her. My contractions were pretty intense, and she really helped me to focus on my breathing, relax in between contractions, and find the best position for dealing with the contractions (I found that lying over a birthing ball really helped me a lot). I think that all of us were fooled by my contractions, because they were coming quickly and regularly. It was weird because I would have two contractions really close together with almost no break in between, and then a 2-3 min. break. Anne suggested that I try to eat something, so I ate a few bites of cereal. I didn't really feel like eating, but we were afraid I wouldn't get anything once we got to the hospital. Anne suggested that we go to the hospital. I nearly panicked when she asked if the car was packed. I thought it wasn't, but Matt had been packing it up the whole time Anne was helping me through contractions. What an AWESOME husband!

Anne followed us to the hospital (Frankfort Regional--only 15 min. away). For me, the car ride to the hospital was one of the worst parts of labor. It was only a 15 min. drive, but it seemed like an eternity. I could NOT get comfortable! I was gripping Matt's hand with my left hand, and holding on to the handle with my right. We FINALLY got there, and Anne walked in with me. "This is when everyone is going to start treating you like you're sick" she told me. Just then, someone came around the corner and asked me if I needed a wheelchair. "No thanks" I said, and we walked to the elevator and stepped off onto the labor/delivery floor (around 3 a.m.). Matt met us up there with our bag, snacks, CD player, etc. in tow.

I had already done all my admittance paperwork in advance (something I recommend HIGHLY to you mom's-to-be out there), so they just took me right back to a room. Matt and I handed the nurse a copy of our birth plan (something else I HIGHLY recommend having) right away. I got into a gown, and the nurse checked me. I was 5 cm. dilated. Everyone acted like this was great progress, but I wanted to cry. I was really hoping to be about 8 cm. at that point. Oh well. There was nothing I could do but keep going. The nurse then suggested/offered a Hep-lock. I declined. I didn't want to get stuck with any needles unless it was absolutely necessary. I knew that I could keep myself hydrated during labor, and I also knew that if anything started to go wrong, a nurse could then put a Hep-lock in my arm in about 1 min.

As a mom-to-be, you are probably thinking about labor a lot. One thing that you might be thinking is "What if everyone sees me naked?" Well, I am here to tell you that I was the same way. When we first got to the hospital (after the nurse checked my cervix) I asked for another hospital gown to tie around the back of me. I was really worried that someone might see me naked and I felt really exposed. Not long after that, my contractions started getting more intense. Anne suggested that I get in the shower on the birthing ball. I'll be the first to tell you that I ripped those gowns off and jumped into that shower as quickly as possible. I was naked and I DID NOT CARE who saw me!

Once I got in the shower and felt the warm water running over me, I felt much better. I knew then that I was going to labor on the birthing ball in the shower. I was rocking back and forth on the ball, and every time I did that, the ball went over the drain and blocked the flow of water. Slowly, the bathroom started to fill up with water. Before too long, we were all working in about 1-2 inches of standing water. Anne started to get a bit concerned when the water started to flow out into the birthing room. She told me later that she was afraid that the nurses might make me get out of the shower. Luckily, the nurses were very understanding, and they didn't make me come out. Instead, they barricaded the door to the bathroom with a pile of towels and linens. Katie and Anne both said that this added a hilarious spin to my birth story. To be quite honest, I didn't really register (or care) about anything other than focusing on those contractions.

From here, labor is a bit of a blur. I know that the contractions were intense, but I was managing them. For me, the pressure was almost unbearable, and it really started to scare me. I felt as if I could deal with the pain, but not with that intense pressure. At one point, I started to doubt myself and my ability to have a natural birth. When that happened, Anne explained that an epidural would take away the pain, but not that pressure. I remember her saying; "that pressure is what brings your baby out and into your arms." I looked into her eyes, and I trusted her completely. I knew she was right. From then on, I knew that an epidural just wasn't an option, and I never gave it one more thought. Matt and Anne just kept encouraging me. They kept saying "you're doing it--keep going!" Looking into their eyes and knowing that they believed in me really kept me going.

I almost forgot to mention that I was really cold when I first got into the shower, and I asked Matt or Anne to turn up the heat. By the end of my labor when it came time to push I could see that Anne had stripped down to a tank top. Suddenly I had a realization: "Oh my God, it is really hot in here!" Just then, I turned to look at my husband. The poor thing was still in his corduroy pants and sweater. He had taken my pleas of "don't leave me" quite seriously, and he was still standing in the shower (after 2-3 hours) spraying water on my back. He never even complained through the whole thing!

The next time Katie came to check me I was 8 cm. dilated, and my water had broken. I remember feeling really freaked out by the fact that there was a lot of goo and blood coming out of me. (It probably looked a lot worse than it really was because we were in the shower.) Anne and Katie assured me that this was all a part of normal labor. After my water broke, the contractions got a lot closer together, and much more intense. I started to feel the urge to push not long after that. Katie suggested that I try to go to the bathroom.

Once I sat on the toilet, I felt like I couldn't get up. I remember holding on to my husband's belt loops, pulling with all my might, and begging him to help me. His eyes were so sad. There was absolutely nothing he could do, and I knew that I was going to have to push this baby out ALL ON MY OWN. No one was going to be able to save me. Throughout labor, I often thought that if it would only stop completely for 15-20 min. I would be like new again, and I would be able to keep going. Unfortunately, this didn't happen, and I really had no choice but to keep going. The thing about labor is, it happens whether you like it or not! After I sat on the toilet for what seemed like an eternity, I suddenly felt the need to squat. I dropped right down onto the bathroom floor (in the standing water) and squatted. It felt so good. I absolutely couldn't help it. I HAD to push. That's when Katie suggested that we move to the bed.

I pushed in a few different positions. First, I tried squatting, then I was on all fours, then Katie suggested that I push against the birthing bar with my feet, while pulling a pillowcase that she had tied in the middle. This worked best for me. I kept thinking with every push that this would be the last, and my baby would be born. After about an hour and a half or two hours of pushing, I had a contraction and Matthew's heart rate dropped. He had been crowning for a really long time, and I was pushing really well. Everyone started getting a bit nervous. Katie put an internal monitor on his head, and determined that he was ok. I didn't really know what was going on (thank God!) because I was so focused on contractions and pushing. I just looked into Matt's eyes and trusted that everything would be ok. Apparently, Matthew wasn't coming out like he should, and I was pushing HARD. Katie finally decided to do an episiotomy so we could get him out right away.

With my next contraction, I pushed as hard as I could (because no one told me not to) and Matthew came flying out. The cord was wrapped twice around his neck, and that was why (despite all my efforts) he wasn't coming out. Matt said that Katie "spun him around like a football" to free him from the cord, and then she handed him up to me.

Matthew was born at 8:27 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs. 8 1/2 oz.

The moment I saw him was the most intense moment of my life. I was crying, my husband was crying, and it was truly amazing. Here was this little person that we had been waiting so long to meet. I couldn't stop looking at him. I held him to my breast, and he nursed right away. I remember thinking that I didn't want anyone to cut the cord that would separate us forever. But, I had to be stitched up, and Matthew had to be cleaned, weighed, and NOT circumcised, so Matt cut the cord. Anne stayed with me while Katie stitched me up. Matt, my mom, and my dad (who were also at our birth) went over to see little Matthew. "Welcome to motherhood." I said. Katie and Anne just laughed. The nurse asked me if I wanted anything. "Yeah, I just want to close my legs!!!!" I said. Everyone had another good laugh over that! I swear I felt like I had had my legs open for days. Later on, Matt went to the nursery with the baby, and I just sat there completely euphoric. I called everyone I could think of to let them know that Matthew was born, we had a natural birth, and that we were ok.

When Matt brought Matthew back from the nursery, and into our room, we just sat there gazing quietly at our new baby for a really long time. Later on, as I nursed Matthew, I looked down at my chest and noticed that I was really freckled. "My God, I didn't realize I got so freckled during my pregnancy!" I said to Matt. He laughed his head off at me. "No honey, those are broken blood vessels," he said. I couldn't believe it, but he was right. I had pushed so hard that I had broken a lot of capillaries. I also had a red spot in one of my eyes. Don't worry if this happens to you--it goes away within a couple of days.

I was so proud of myself for having a natural birth. All my hard work in prenatal yoga really paid off! Matt told me later that this was the hardest thing he had ever gone through. Birth is a really intense experience for the mom, but it is also really hard on the dad (believe it or not)!!! If you want a natural birth, you really CAN do it!!! Both Matt and I really recommend having a doula. We did do part of the Bradley Method course (we hated it and decided not to go anymore, but we did read the book at home) and tried to prepare as much as possible. Both of us agree that having a doula made a HUGE difference in our birthing experience. Also, having a birth plan was a wonderful idea. We were able to stick to our birth plan completely (except for the episiotomy, which in our case was completely necessary).

Parenting is much harder (in my opinion) than birth, and no one can prepare you for the life altering effects of caring for a newborn baby. Luckily, I have my mom, my husband, a friend who has a baby, and a doula to support me. Someone told me that those first 6 weeks are the hardest, and I agree with that statement completely. Matt and I laugh about it now, but at one point I actually told him that I thought that we might have made a big mistake. Motherhood is SO hard, and in those first couple of weeks, I just didn't feel that I was up to the challenge. I also had a really hard time (mentally and emotionally) dealing with breastfeeding. Everyone said that it was so easy, and I heard so many moms describing nursing as this "beautiful, enjoyable, bonding experience" with their babies. I did NOT find this to be true. For the 10 weeks I managed to breastfeed Matthew I felt like what I like to call the "human boob." It took him 1 hr. to nurse each time, and I was feeding him 11 times a day. Do the math: that is A LOT of time! I felt like my whole existence was caught up in feeding him, and that I would never regain MY identity. Also, I was SO exhausted. I kept it up as long as I did simply because I knew it was the best thing for him (nutritionally speaking). After 10 weeks though, I just couldn't do it anymore, so I stopped. As soon as he switched to formula, he slept through the night for the first time. He took the formula with no problems, he was thriving, and I felt like I had just been released from prison. I think it was the best decision for both of us. I just needed to get my body (and my sense of freedom) back.

The moral of the story is: if you don't think that breastfeeding is the best choice for you (and your baby), then don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about it (including yourself)!!!!!!

Now, life is wonderful. Matthew is 6 months old; he is so sweet, cute, amazing, etc. etc. etc. He is smiling laughing, babbling, and sitting up on his own. The time has flown by, and he is growing up so fast! He is the biggest blessing we ever got, and we are just trying to enjoy every minute of this amazing experience.

Good luck and happy birthing!!!!

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