In many cultures, new moms and babies are expected to stay in bed for 30 days or more, eating, sleeping, and getting to know each other while extended family members and friends see to their every need. In some Native American cultures, new moms and babies are cared for at home until the 60th day, when the babies are presented to the sun. Women giving birth in Canada receive one year of paid maternity leave after the birth of each child.

As American moms, however, we are particularly isolated. We are lucky to have a week or two of help before we're on our own. And by 6 weeks postpartum, the expectation is that we should be healed from birth and ready to leave our babies and return to the workforce.

Well ladies, you heard it here first: It ain't that easy. And what's more, this unrealistic expectation sets most of us up for failure. Sure, some women adjust quickly and easily to their new life. And some babies do to. But if you are struggling with exhaustion, hormones, breastfeeding, and your new self-image in the first weeks and months after giving birth, welcome to the norm.

The good news is that this too shall pass, on a timeline that is uniquely yours and cannot be measured by others' experiences. For some moms and babies, things will be much easier by 4-6 weeks. For others, it may take longer. That's OK. This is your experience.

You have followed your baby and your body through the dramatic changes of pregnancy--where in 40 weeks time your baby went from a tiny microscopic bean to a whole and complete person, and your body underwent massive changes to accomplish this goal. Why do we think that once the baby is out, it's all over? These dramatic changes do not stop on the birth-day. Your hormones continue to fluctuate after birth, as your body begins the process of healing, re-stabilizing, and adjusting to feed and care for this tiny new person. Your baby, too, is learning how to get along on the outside, and is experiencing many things for the first time (hunger, poop, tummy aches, separation from mom). Trust the process, and be patient with yourselves during the 4th trimester, as you both find a rhythm that will work for you.

Things that may help:

1. Know that it will get better. Remember when you were 39 (or 40 or 41) weeks pregnant and you felt like you were going to be pregnant forever? You weren't. When your body and your baby were ready, the transition occurred. This too shall pass, on its own timeline.

2. Ask for help. It is not realistic to expect that you will be able to care for your baby and yourself without help. Communicate with your partner, your mother, your friends--whoever is available to hold your baby for an hour or two while you sleep, take a shower, or enjoy a meal. Consider hiring a Postpartum Doula to help you. Whether it's one hour a week or several hours a day, postpartum doulas are available to help ease the transition for both you and the baby.

3. Educate yourself. If you're having trouble with a high needs baby, find a book on high needs babies (The High Needs Baby, by Dr. Sears). If you're having trouble breastfeeding, call someone for help with breastfeeding (Lynne Humkey, 422-MOMS, or a La Leche League Leader). It is natural to want to take good care of your baby, but it's not always natural to know how. Don't expect yourself to know everything.

4. Hang out with other moms. Everything is scarier in the dark. If you are alone at home with your baby day in and day out, things can seem pretty bad. Spending time with other new moms gives you a chance to check in with reality. Spending time with moms of older babies is a good reminder that things will get better. Stop by our Playgroup, join us for Mama & Baby Yoga, come for an Adjusting to Motherhood group, or plan to attend a La Leche League meeting if you're breastfeeding. If you are dealing with a specific issue, contact Baby Moon and we may be able to hook you up with another mom who had a similar experience, and who can offer some advice and encouragement.

5. Be honest with yourself. If you suspect you might have more than the "baby blues," or if you are overwhelmed to the point of feeling incapacitated, you may need more specific help and support. Talk to your doctor, or call Baby Moon for a referral to someone who can help you figure out the next step. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, or if you feel unable to function or to care well for your baby, you may have postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can show up any time in the first year after birth, and requires treatment from a professional.

6. Share your story. Help to change our new mom culture from one of isolation to one of social support and shared knowledge. Each one of us should not have to reinvent the wheel. Post your birth story on the Baby Moon website so other pregnant moms coming after you can benefit from your experience. If you find a good resource that we don't know about, tell us! Share your unique wisdom, what you've learned, and what you know now that you wish you'd known then. Pass it on!

--Anne Rust

• Learn how to identify and ask for what you need postpartum.
• Find out what is normal for you and for your baby.
• Find out if you need more help--at least 10-20% of women develop a (treatable!) postpartum mood disorder in the year after their baby is born. Unlike baby blues, it doesn't go away after a few weeks.
• Talk with other women about the changes in your relationships and in your identity as a mom, wife, partner, professional, coworker, and daughter.

Topics addressed include: getting support, self-care, breastfeeding, identity ("how have my roles changed?"), what is normal for you emotionally and physically, what is normal for your baby, siblings, feelings of loss, leaving or returning to work, changes in romantic relationships, changes in friendships, sleep, and baby blues or postpartum depression/anxiety--how to tell the difference.

Come join with others to recreate a community of caring support. Non-crawling babies welcome. $75 for 3-week series.

Facilitator: Colby Cohen-Archer, Ph.D.

See Class Calendar for upcoming dates.